So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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