Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
