4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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