He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
