Just fell off a train. Bad.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
