then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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