i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
