Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
