and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
