did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
