coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
