two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
