I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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