i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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