Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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