I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
