I want to walk on stilts...naked
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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