It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
