i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it hurts more in the daytime
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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