Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
