Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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