he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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