My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize