I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
thus making me awesome and them whores
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
