I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
