Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
