How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
