Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize