I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my being single is dangerous.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think my moral compass just broke
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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