You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
