whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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