Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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