You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
