Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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