so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
