It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
