thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize