You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
