we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
