The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
