I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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