remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
