I haven't been this sober since birth.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
