So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
