Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Girls should come with a carfax report
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
