my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
