Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
