and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
