I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
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