I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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