he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
