The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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