I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
