Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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