im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
