My nipple is on Facebook.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize