Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
