Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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