i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
