Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
