"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
