fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
