On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
