i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
