I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
