Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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