I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
