Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
