Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
