oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
