Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
