It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
