We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
