they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
