god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
