my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
