you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
