It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Randomize
