Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize