shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Are my feet made of real feet?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
