Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
