Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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