You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
