I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Where is the hickey?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
