Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
