the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
