two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
