it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
