My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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