remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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