You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
