he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize