so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize