look no pants
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
