you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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