drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
