you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
