A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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