he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
